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Beforehand on the Finest and Worst of WCW: We took a take a look at WCW/nWo Souled Out 1998, an incredibly nice pay-per-view that includes Kevin Nash breaking The Big’s neck, Chris Jericho changing into Cruiserweight Champion, and La Parka attacking either side of a lucha libre Eight-man tag and changing into king of our hearts.

Click on right here to look at this week’s episode on WWE Community. You possibly can meet up with all of the earlier episodes of WCW Monday Nitro on the Finest and Worst of Nitro tag web page and all of the episodes of Thunder on the Finest and Worst of Thunder. Comply with together with the competitors right here.

Keep in mind, if you need us to maintain writing 20-year-old WCW jokes, click on the share buttons and unfold the column round. Should you don’t inform them how a lot you want these, no person’s going to learn them. Assist us get to the half the place the Cat turns into James Brown, not less than.

And now, the Finest and Worst of WCW Monday Nitro for January 26, 1998.

Worst: Nitro Is Three Hours Now, So Get Prepared For Some Filler

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Sure people, we’re lastly as much as the episode the place Nitro turns into three hours lengthy completely. To your left you’ll discover this episode taking place after Starrcade however earlier than any main new storylines, which means they’re including an hour after they might’ve used it to construct up their one vital story and don’t have something to do with it. To your proper you’ll discover Lex Luger’s hat, which he appears thrilled by. It’s technically the primary look of the little flexing “males’s room” man that will grow to be late-WCW Luger’s brand. Nothing says Lex Luger like “displaying your muscle mass” and “going to the lavatory.”

Worst: Extra Of Bret Hart’s Awful Kinfolk Are Right here

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A couple of weeks in the past, Jim ‘The Anvil’ Neidhart jumped ship to WCW. It’s The place the Huge Boys Play! “Jumped ship” might be a bit of robust. It’s extra like Survivor Sequence ’97 torpedoed his ship, and the bit the place he tried to hitch the crew that screwed his brother-in-law on the identical episode the place they beat up a Bret Hart midget after which bought turned on earlier than the episode was even over destroyed his life boat piece-by-piece till he drowned, and his bloated corpse washed up on WCW seashore. Word: nothing good occurs on that seashore.

This week, Mongo’s chopping a particularly sexual promo about how he sees all the brand new expertise in WCW (like John Nord) and the way he “can’t wait to get knee-deep in a few of these boys” when he’s interrupted by The British Bulldog Davey Boy Smith. Davey Boy continues making issues as erotic as doable by saying he’s “searching for a bone to chew on,” and that Mongo “might be that bone.” Mongo tells him to go “get his little tights on” so Mongo can educate him “some new tips.” Davey Boy confirms that he’s gonna go placed on his tights so a “20-year outdated veteran” can be taught these tips. In the event that they’d talked about a B-level movie star from 1992 I might’ve sworn Roddy Piper wrote this materials.

As an alternative of organising a really disappointing porno scene, the dialog units up the British Bulldog’s WCW debut towards this early 1998 model of Steve McMichael that forgot every thing he’d realized about wrestling over the previous two years. Severely, Mongo’s out right here wrestling like one of many Monstars sucked out his expertise. Right here’s the end, wherein they mess up an Oklahoma Stampede twice in a single go.

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Unbelievable. That is the start of the Davey Boy WCW run that will finish with one of many Final Warrior’s teleportation lure doorways giving him a spinal an infection and virtually paralyzing him, introducing the habit to morphine and painkilling medication that will shorten his life. At the least he bought that redemptive run in WWF after the damage, the place he wrestled in cuffed denims and bought slammed into canine shit.

Are you able to think about how various things would’ve been if Anvil and British Bulldog has stayed within the World Wrestling Federation, however Owen Hart had been the one to leap ship? It’s wonderful to suppose how a lot bullshit everybody concerned would’ve prevented, actually and figuratively.

Worst: James J. Dillon Is Very Mad About Powerbombs

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The one different main plot level to occur on this episode is James J. Dillon banning all variations of the powerbomb resulting from what occurred to The Big in his match with Kevin Nash at Souled Out. Dillon will get head-shakingly livid about it, promising legal prosecution and threatening to simply skip human assets and arrest anybody who does a powerbomb. I’m assuming that is like that “anybody who interferes now can be fined” announcement from a number of weeks in the past, the place it’s helpful for this one (1) story and can be ignored when, say, four out of 6 luchadors in a match Ligerbomb dudes.

The announce crew works time beyond regulation to justify the choice, speaking about how the foundations of professional wrestling have modified over time and the way the foundations set within the 60s and 70s couldn’t predict the SUPER ATHLETE OF THE 1990s. As a result of if you consider professional wrestling’s Bo Jackson, you suppose Kevin Nash. However yeah, no, Nash’s first match after the declaration lasts a couple of minute and ends with him powerbombing nWo punching bag Huge Bubber and being despatched to Wrestling Jail by prime sheriff Doug Dellinger.

Nash screaming “ATTICA!” time and again is, in fact, a reference to a traditional scene from Spongebob Squarepants. [checks notes] Sorry, “Canine Day Afternoon.” The Web’s skilled me to suppose every thing’s referencing Spongebob. Charles Foster Kane can mutter “Rosebud” on his dying mattress and the Twitter can be like “rosebud, lol, like in spongebob” with an image of Larry the Lobster making an offended face. After which they’d let you know what Hogwarts home he’d be in*.

*Slytherin, duh

Finest: Your Nitro Celebration Winners!

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After a couple of yr of guarantees and a handful of very 1990s school varieties yelling “woo” on VHS tapes, WCW has lastly discovered a Nitro Celebration grand prize winner: College of Tennessee Chattanooga’s Lambda Chi Alpha. They’re handled to an evening of enjoying “pin the tail on the Nitro Lady” (poster), being threatened with a paddlin’ by Imply Gene, and standing outdoors within the chilly doing the limbo and pumping their fists. Actually the one factor they aren’t doing right here is watching Nitro, which … appeared like the purpose? It’s all delivered to you by Krystal®, the Marty Jannetty to White Fort’s Shawn Michaels.

So What Do We Do For Three Hours?

Let’s lightning spherical it and discover out! Get pleasure from like 10 pages of “lightning spherical!”

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Up first this week is Ultimo Dragon vs. El Dandy, which on this shot seems to be an terrible lot like Majin Buu giving start to Nacho Libre. Or like, a extremely depressed 70s Lou Ferrigno. Common readers know my timeless love for the WCW luchadors who bought the “don’t be deceived by their STOCKY PHYSIQUE” speaking factors, and Dandy — who’re you to doubt him? — busts out considered one of my lucha favorites, the calm stroll up the ropes into falling on a man. Dragon wins a fast match by submission whereas all the crowd watches The Flock stroll to their seats.

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In different luchador information, Konnan finally ends up injured in a match towards Lightning Foot Jerry Flynn as a result of he determined to promote an “excessive rope physique block” propelled by LIGHTNING FEET by falling ahead as a substitute of backward, then rolling sideways and bashing the again of his head towards the ring steps. It’s virtually labyrinthine how he bought to that time.

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He wrestles the rest of the match in a concussion haze, sitting down for many of it and barely kicking out of issues. I’m telling you, we missed out by not having a WCW vs. WWF “Invasion” pay-per-view in 1998 with Konnan vs. Ahmed Johnson on the cardboard.

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Brad Armstrong reveals up for his match sporting an airbrushed “ARMSTRONG CURSE” sweatshirt — sweatshirt! — that includes, what’s that, a Wendigo’s eyes? It kinda seems to be like a sloth. Nothing says “the Armstrong legacy” fairly like a sloth on a sweatshirt. He’s up towards William Scott Goldberg and the Viking Demise March this week, so clearly he wins with a Russian legsweep or no matter and retires the shirt for good.

Sorry, can’t even do a “checks notes” joke on that one. Goldberg is just about at his bodily peak at this level, nonetheless about two years from punching out the window of a limo for actual and zapping his personal power, so that you get moments like 1:45 on this video the place he goes for a army press, occasions it mistaken (or Armstrong doesn’t give him sufficient help) and simply muscle mass him the hell up with brute power anyway. It’s nice. He additionally hits among the best (or not less than cleanest) spear/Jackhammer combs he’s ever executed.

You’re gonna should work tougher in your sweatshirt should you’re gonna beat Goldberg, Brad.

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uh dont you imply a title — some dork on the web

Extra development this week in Buff Bagwell and Scott Steiner’s Affair Of The Muscle tissue this week as Buff will get a disqualification win over Rick Steiner because of Scott kicking Virgil’s ass so arduous on the surface it spills into the ring. The story continues to be that Scott Steiner after like a decade as a professional has lastly discovered that if he makes his muscle mass actually massive and throws individuals round, he can simply win wrestling matches. Rick doesn’t know what to do with it since he’s remained roughly the identical and the components they’ve been utilizing as at all times labored, and Buff’s like, “OH MY GOD THIS DUDE’S MUSCLES ARE CRAZY, I LIKE MUSCLES TOO, WE SHOULD BE FRIENDS INSTEAD OF YOU THROWING ME.” Finally Scott’s going to determine the subsequent step in his character’s evolution, which is, “bleach your hair a lot it begins seeping into your scalp and makes you legitimately insane.”

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After that we get an look from a boy we all know Mongo needs to be knee-deep in, Wayne Bloom, aka the previous Beau Beverly of the Beverly Brothers. The bloom is off Bloom’s rose at this level and he’s a couple of yr from retiring outright, which he reveals by dropping the worst match on a horrible Nitro to Jim ‘The Anvil’ Neidhart. He’s definitely no Mike Enos, that’s for certain.

They actually missed a chance by not placing Bloom right into a throwaway 1980s “good hand” faction with Enos, Brad Armstrong, John Nord and just like the Wonderful French Canadians and calling them the New World Older.

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The very best match on the present might be Raven vs. Mortis, the start of a feud that will flip Mortis into an actual boy and switch Raven right into a fourth-wall-breaking Jim Halpert-ass preppy smark.

Mortis loses, in fact, and when he fails to assist Wrath defeated Diamond Dallas Web page within the following match, Wrath activates him. Should you’re like me and had been hoping you missed an enormous Blood Runs Chilly renaissance in some unspecified time in the future, sorry … that is the start of the official finish of that angle, with everybody (besides Glacier, actually) shifting on to raised issues. Mortis turns into an smug Jersey mark, The Cat turns into a mixture of Muhammad Ali and James Brown, and Wrath turns into half a crew who ask the query, “what if we’re the APA, however as a substitute of beer we like weed?”

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In much less constructive Flock information, Perry Saturn has a boring match with Booker T that ends the best way they’ve been ending for weeks: with the Flock attacking and Rick Martel exhibiting as much as be Booker’s pal, as a result of he’s already realized that valiant babyfacing can get him fast Tv Championship photographs. Saturn’s so mad about it he yells about Rick Martel into the digital camera at ringside as a substitute of like, turning barely and yelling on the man two ft behind him.

Additionally I don’t know what’s happening with Saturn’s hair proper now, nevertheless it seems to be like he “bought hair plugs” by stitching a free-standing toupee to the highest of his head.

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Psicosis defeats Chavo Guerrero Jr. in a rematch from the end of the lucha libre masterpiece at Souled Out, and it’s adequate to be the Castrol GTX Folks Who Don’t Know Don’t Use Valvoline® of the week. It’s enjoyable to see Chavito as his personal wrestler right here for a short while and to marvel what he would’ve grow to be if WCW and WWE hadn’t spent the subsequent decade starting him to please be like Eddie Guerrero, precisely like Eddie, come on man, please.

Finest-ish: Don’t Flip Your Again On The Group To Be Named Later

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Lastly in our lightning spherical we now have Juventud Guerrera vs. new nWo member Louie Spicolli, which begins with footage of the Macho Man Randy Savage arriving in a rental automotive as a substitute of a New World Order limousine and ends with him working from the automotive to the ring to assault everybody. Savage and Hogan have been at odds for weeks concerning the “pecking order” of the group and who’s accountable for who successful matches by way of DQ run-ins, in order that they try this once more right here. Savage is mad at Hogan for doing a run-in too early in his match with Luger at Souled Out. Hogan is mad at Savage for being Randy Savage, like fucking at all times. Like even now. Hogan says Savage wanted the assistance and is now “on his personal.” Savage makes enjoyable of Hogan for not being champion anymore. The group breaks up, however probably not, and we’re left with extra questions than solutions.

The excellent news is that that is the formal starting of the Savage vs. Hogan feud that will splinter the nWo, resulting in the creation of the nWo Wolfpac in Could. The dangerous information is that very same sentence.

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The primary occasion of the night time is Lex Luger vs. Scott Corridor, which lasts about two entire minutes of a 3 hour wrestling present and ends with — get this — an nWo run-in.

Savage causes the disqualification by attacking Luger, and Sting makes the save. I don’t wish to downplay the “Sting makes the save” a part of this, as a result of the dude straight-up dropkicks Savage from the ceiling of the sector in a stunt so spectacular we by no means see it once more, however know in our hearts had it occurred on WWF TV would nonetheless be a part of video packages immediately.

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Sting places Savage within the Scorpion Demise Lock, so Hogan and Corridor simply wander across the ring like nothing’s taking place. Possibly they had been apprehensive Diamond Dallas would swoop into the sector on a type of amusement park bungee swings and Diamond Minimize considered one of them into the roof.

Subsequent Week:

Nitro sends three hours of itself to the good state of Texas for an enormous Steve McMichael vs. The British Bulldog rematch, Tremendous Calo difficult the one man on the roster who breaks his neck this typically for the Cruiserweight Championship, and Goldberg going through his greatest problem but in MARK STARR. All this and Hugh Morrus vs. Konnan on a present that’s positively higher than Uncooked proper now! We promise!

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