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I preserve asking myself that very same query

Beforehand on the Finest and Worst of WCW Thunder: Diamond Dallas Web page defeated Sick Boy utilizing the Lucy Van Pelt methodology, rock ‘n’ roll incest legend Jerry Lee Lewis joined Raven’s Flock, and a graphics malfunction confused Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Critically, for those who didn’t learn final week’s present report, go try this, it’s insane.

If you happen to’d like to observe this week’s episode on WWE Community, click on right here. Within the coming weeks you’ll have the ability to learn all of the Thunder recaps on its UPROXX tag web page, and naturally for those who’re studying these, you’re hopefully studying the corresponding Nitro bits as properly.

Word: That is nonetheless a comparatively new classic column within the rotation, so for those who prefer it, please be certain that to remark beneath and share the column on all (or not less than some) of your social media. It helps, particularly now that I’m the one one writing them!

And now, the Finest and Worst of WCW Thunder for February 5, 1998.

Finest: The Veiny Hubris Of Jim Powers

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This GIF is so hilarious to me. I do know William Scott Goldberg’s probably not “Goldberg” in so many phrases but, however watching Jim Powers assume he drained 100% of his opponent’s HP with one (1) unhealthy knee carry and turning round to have fun it like he simply nailed a desperation superkick at minute 62 is nice. Goldberg places that dude within the floor. Goldberg spears all the time look higher when the man sells it by having his legs trapped and simply snapping his whole torso again flat, as a substitute of that “leaping backwards” factor folks normally do. Each sells are fantastic, however the snap again offers the transfer weight, and offers gravity to the promote, figuratively and actually.

And sure, I nonetheless can’t cease noticing the vascularity of Jim Powers’ armpits. He’s acquired so many muscle tissue he’s acquired a devoted armpit day on the health club. Simply standing within the squat rack blasting his pits with a Thighmaster for a complete Wednesday. Oh, and I nonetheless assume naming a wrestler “Jim Powers” is like naming a physician “Hospital Medication.”

Finest/Worst: All Lucha All Day

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Nothing to ease us again into the rhythm of the Finest and Worst of Thunder like La Parka exhibiting up simply to get squashed by Hugh Morrus, The Laughing Man. The followers are tremendous scorching for it as a result of it’s the start of a 1998 WCW present and so they haven’t gotten to the Virgil run-ins three hours deep, however man, at the same time as a child I couldn’t think about somebody saying, “I hate this humorous dancing luchador skeleton who kills folks with chairs, I wanna cheer for this bizarre carnie man with the pun title from the Dungeon of Doom.”

The match is saved a bit by the post-match assault, which reprises La Parka’s Souled Out little bit of shedding, then dealing with the loss by braining everybody in sight and Karate Child crane kick dancing on a metal chair. Truthfully La Parka may lose to an errant plastic blag floating within the wind and I’d be fantastic with it so long as he beat the shit out of the bag with a chair afterward. Perhaps that’s why they by no means pushed La Parka.

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That sends us immediately into Juventud Guerrera vs. Billy Kidman, which (1) is nice and (2) can be the perfect match on most reveals, however is barely the second or third (or perhaps fourth) greatest match on this episode. Thunder doesn’t have a lot going for it within the grand scheme of the story, nevertheless it’s two hours for the undercard, and WCW’s undercard is very, excellent at this. It’s so good, in reality, that it’s our 1-800- COLLECT “Individuals Who Know However Don’t Have Any Spare Change On Them In The ’90s Use 1-800-COLLECT®” Of The Week.

I feel a part of what made Juvy and Kidman such necessary elements of the cruiserweight division is that they felt … nearly reckless within the ring, in a (largely) great way. You had these guys like Dean Malenko and Rey Mysterio Jr. who’re solely going to mess up if one thing goes drastically incorrect, blended in with of us like Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero, who’re among the many greatest in-ring generals within the sport’s historical past. You then had the decrease tier luchadors just like the Villanos or no matter, who’ve the lucha aesthetic however aren’t doing a lot past the most secure dropkicks and armdrags you’ve ever seen. Then someplace within the center are Juvy and Kidman … these bonkers mild heavyweights with lucha movesets who know they’ve acquired to borderline kill themselves each time they exit to get seen, and boy they’re getting seen. Means over to the left you will have Psicosis, who’s simply hurting himself to see how a lot he can do it, and Tremendous Calo, who desires to be a standard man however can’t cease hurting himself.

Sure, that’s my Tremendous Calo segue. Whooshhhhh

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Talking of the satan’s favourite hospital affected person, he’s a part of an ALSO fairly nice trios match, teaming up with Lizmark Jr. and Chavo Guerrero Jr. to tackle Villano IV, Villano V, and Villano Silver King. Examine query: what’s occurring in that photograph?

This one really ends with some story development, as Psicosis — nonetheless upset that Chavo pinned him at Souled Out — reveals up and guillotine leg drops Chavo, pulling Silver King on high of him for the pin. Dastardly rudos. Your Tremendous Calo spotlight of the night time is what I’m guessing is his regular clothesline promote now: backflipping onto his personal neck for actually no purpose. We’ve tried to speak to individuals who know him and arrange an interview with Tremendous Calo and everybody’s like, “I don’t know what he’s as much as nowadays, I misplaced contact with him,” and my principle is that he’s useless and has simply been Weekend at Bernie’s-ing it since like 1999.

Finest: Muscular tissues Are Extra Necessary Than Brotherhood

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The insanely lengthy Scott Steiner heel flip continues this week as he and Rick tackle Buff Bagwell and Konnan. There was only a “STEINERS VS. NWO B-TEAM” written on the WCW artistic white board in everlasting marker, wasn’t there? Be part of us subsequent week for the Steiners vs. Vincent and Horace Hogan, and once more on the pay-per-view for the Steiners vs. Kyle Petty and the Dinner and a Film guys in a handicap match.

Anyway, for those who’ve been following alongside you recognize that Scott Steiner acquired a bunch of muscle tissue and didn’t notice how cool that made him look till he noticed fellow muscle-enthusiast Buff Bagwell of the New World Order flexing on a regular basis. So now Scott’s torn between wanting to indicate off his muscle tissue on a regular basis and utilizing them to singlehandedly win tag crew matches, and each of these issues piss Rick off.

This week Rick begins, and retains Scotty out till the new tag, which is definitely the very best gameplan for the 1998 Steiner Brothers. Simply let Rick rope-a-dope the opposite crew for a couple of minutes till they get drained, after which ship on this jacked-the-crap-up math wizard whose pure resting state is “drank six 4 Loko and is pissed about every little thing” to suplex jokers to loss of life and win. This one really ends with Scott deciding to be a crew participant and arrange for the Steiner Bulldog double-team, however doesn’t see Scott Corridor shove Rick off the highest. Rick goes flying into Scott, which in fact causes roid rage Scott Steiner to imagine the worst and storm out.

As soon as once more, Scotty speaks a fundamental human fact: push-ups are extra necessary than your loved ones.

Finest: Stagger Away

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Earlier than I overlook, one of many highlights of that Steiners/nWo Extras match is the pre-match announcer swap, wherein Dusty Rhodes reveals up and staggers Lee Marshall from the published place. Lee is such an underappreciated on-screen character, as a result of he combines Tony Schiavone’s “pleased to be right here firm man” angle with a weirdly old skool voice and standpoint, such as you’re listening to a kind of tape recorders from Bioshock speak about wrestling.

My solely criticism right here is that Bobby Heenan didn’t snigger in his face and get a “DIAL 1-800-KISS MY ASS YOU FUCKING WEASEL” on the way in which out. Even on this episode Lee gained’t cease making jokes about how Heenan steals lodge towels. “Bobby Heenan vs. Lee Marshall Bunkhouse Brawl” is the perfect match from the Street Wild I booked in my head 20 years in the past.

Finest: Celebration Marty

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An sudden darkish horse contender for match of the night time goes to Raven and Marty Jannetty, doing the perfect mixture of a PG ECW hardcore match and a 1992 WWF Mild Heavyweight Division match you’ve ever seen. This might simply be Scotty Flamingo vs. Marty in one other life.

Just like the match with Disco, Raven succeeds in dwelling and respiratory his character, and that informs every little thing the gang must know in regards to the match. There’s some violence, as a result of each Raven match is below “Raven’s guidelines,” which eliminates all of the pointless ref bumps and distractions you’d must ebook round in any other case. However there’s additionally a way of urgency from Raven’s opponents, particularly when it’s guys like Jannetty or Disco, as a result of they’re not usually IN matches like this, and it feels recent and new to see them getting thrown into chairs or no matter.

They sustain a brisk tempo too, which is sweet, and the end is nice. Marty goes for a Rocker Dropper, finally ends up having it become that 1-2-Three Child backflip feint and will get spiked on his dome with an Evenflow DDT. Like this:

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That’s clean as hell. I favored him after I was youthful, however Raven dominated, no pun supposed, and it’s enjoyable to return and watch this period of matches and know what a workhorse he was. He doesn’t have to be having aggressive matches with Scotty Riggs and Disco Inferno and Marty Jannetty however he IS, and it’s making everybody look higher.

Worst: WCW’s Finest Referee

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Talking of the Flock and aggressive matches with the Disco Inferno, Disco and Perry Saturn get in some good work to maintain Saturn wanting sturdy and to maintain Disco wanting like he’s lastly acquired his head within the recreation and is able to be an actual wrestler. That doesn’t final endlessly, however he’s doing a little very, excellent stuff on this time interval. The whole lot between the embarrassing Jacqueline stuff up till the formation of the Boogie Knights is fairly good. And even the Boogie Knights units me up for infinity extra Alex Wright dick jokes.

The focus of the match although is the end, and I’m giving it a Worst for the wrestlers not letting the referee know what the hell they had been attempting to do earlier than the match. Principally Disco’s acquired Saturn useless to rights, and the one purpose Saturn wins is due to Kidman. They do an enormous spot and Disco’s out on the bottom on his abdomen, with Saturn staggering round almost unconscious by the ropes. Kidman pushes Saturn down onto Disco (pictured), and the referee decides to begin counting three pondering that’s the end.

Critically, take a look at this:

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He counts one and you’ll hear Saturn yelling at him to cease, despite the fact that he’s speculated to be knocked out. The concept is that Saturn’s speculated to fall into place, come to and lock within the Rings of Saturn, however yeah, we get the Cameron memorial pinfall try as a substitute. COUNT IT, REF!

Worst Finest: Monitor Swimsuit Mongo

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Not an sudden darkish horse contender for match of the night time goes to Jim Neidhart vs. Scott Corridor, which is constructed round horrible dwelling sunburn Jim Neidhart single-handedly beating up Corridor and Louie Spicolli together with his Bugle thumb of doom till the inevitable nWo DQ. Davey Boy Smith runs out to even the chances, and Mongo McMichael follows him out in a full monitor go well with to proceed their feud. I believed Mongo’s whole private wardrobe was 4 Horsemen T-shirts, that one Chicago Bears jacket and a bunch of Garth Brooks button-ups to match his canine.

You’ve gotta love that they’ve acquired a full-on nWo vs. the Hart Basis vs. the 4 Horsemen feud going with out Bret Hart, many of the necessary nWo guys or any of the Horsemen folks favored.

Why Is Diamond Dallas Web page The Tobias Funke Of WCW

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Each single factor he says sounds sexual, whether or not he’s speaking about how “jacked up” he’s to make you “really feel the bang,” or if he’s speaking about how he can’t wait to “get it on” with that “younger stud” Chris Benoit. Even when it means he has to take a chubby. he’ll suck it up!

Finest: The Essential Occasion

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This week’s important occasion, arrange final week, is Diamond Dallas Web page defending the US Championship in opposition to Chris Benoit. To get this out of the way in which early, sure, it ends with an enormous run-in, however not less than it’s the Flock and never the nWo once more.

Whereas it’s not the perfect match you’ll ever see (and possibly not even the perfect match on the present, though it was getting fairly good), it was the primary time that somebody necessary in WCW stated “Chris Benoit is a very good wrestler who deserves alternatives to problem for championships and have good matches” on tv and truly adopted via with it. Web page sticking his neck out for Benoit right here made him appear like a combating champion who really paid consideration to the general public’s opinions, and made Benoit appear like the form of man who isn’t fairly there but, however is of course expert sufficient to hold with the corporate’s champions. This kind of established Benoit’s whole vibe from 1998 till WrestleMania 20 in 2004.

So yeah, a bunch of lucha libre matches of various high quality, Raven kicking ass, a Benoit important occasion, the muscle buddies AND Lee Marshall getting emasculated. Not a nasty episode.

Subsequent Week:

Glacier is again for one more shot at Billy Scott Goldberg, Chris Benoit and Raven go head-to-head, and Ric Aptitude returns from the “we don’t actually know what to do with you” ether to problem Lex Luger.

Necessary research query for the feedback part beneath: With our present web site setup, do you continue to choose there being two WCW columns every week, or is that an excessive amount of? Ought to I preserve Thunder separate, or simply recap it at the start of Nitro studies like I do with uneventful pay-per-views? Let me know what you assume, and thanks for studying.

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