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I maintain asking myself that very same query

Beforehand on the Finest and Worst of WCW Thunder: Diamond Dallas Web page defeated Sick Boy utilizing the Lucy Van Pelt methodology, rock ‘n’ roll incest legend Jerry Lee Lewis joined Raven’s Flock, and a graphics malfunction confused Hacksaw Jim Duggan. Critically, if you happen to didn’t learn final week’s present report, go do this, it’s insane.

When you’d like to observe this week’s episode on WWE Community, click on right here. Within the coming weeks you’ll have the ability to learn all of the Thunder recaps on its UPROXX tag web page, and naturally if you happen to’re studying these, you’re hopefully studying the corresponding Nitro bits as properly.

Be aware: That is nonetheless a comparatively new classic column within the rotation, so if you happen to prefer it, please be sure that to remark under and share the column on all (or at the least some) of your social media. It helps, particularly now that I’m the one one writing them!

And now, the Finest and Worst of WCW Thunder for February 5, 1998.

Finest: The Veiny Hubris Of Jim Powers

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This GIF is so hilarious to me. I do know William Scott Goldberg’s not likely “Goldberg” in so many phrases but, however watching Jim Powers assume he drained 100% of his opponent’s HP with one (1) unhealthy knee carry and turning round to have a good time it like he simply nailed a desperation superkick at minute 62 is nice. Goldberg places that dude within the floor. Goldberg spears at all times look higher when the man sells it by having his legs trapped and simply snapping his complete torso again flat, as a substitute of that “leaping backwards” factor individuals often do. Each sells are fantastic, however the snap again provides the transfer weight, and offers gravity to the promote, figuratively and actually.

And sure, I nonetheless can’t cease noticing the vascularity of Jim Powers’ armpits. He’s obtained so many muscle tissue he’s obtained a devoted armpit day on the health club. Simply standing within the squat rack blasting his pits with a Thighmaster for a complete Wednesday. Oh, and I nonetheless assume naming a wrestler “Jim Powers” is like naming a health care provider “Hospital Medication.”

Finest/Worst: All Lucha All Day

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Nothing to ease us again into the rhythm of the Finest and Worst of Thunder like La Parka displaying up simply to get squashed by Hugh Morrus, The Laughing Man. The followers are tremendous scorching for it as a result of it’s the start of a 1998 WCW present they usually haven’t gotten to the Virgil run-ins three hours deep, however man, whilst a child I couldn’t think about somebody saying, “I hate this humorous dancing luchador skeleton who kills individuals with chairs, I wanna cheer for this bizarre carnie man with the pun title from the Dungeon of Doom.”

The match is saved a bit by the post-match assault, which reprises La Parka’s Souled Out little bit of shedding, then dealing with the loss by braining everybody in sight and Karate Child crane kick dancing on a metal chair. Actually La Parka may lose to an errant plastic blag floating within the wind and I’d be fantastic with it so long as he beat the shit out of the bag with a chair afterward. Perhaps that’s why they by no means pushed La Parka.

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That sends us straight into Juventud Guerrera vs. Billy Kidman, which (1) is nice and (2) can be the very best match on most reveals, however is barely the second or third (or possibly fourth) finest match on this episode. Thunder doesn’t have a lot going for it within the grand scheme of the story, however it’s two hours for the undercard, and WCW’s undercard is very, superb at this. It’s so good, in actual fact, that it’s our 1-800- COLLECT “Folks Who Know However Don’t Have Any Spare Change On Them In The ’90s Use 1-800-COLLECT®” Of The Week.

I believe a part of what made Juvy and Kidman such vital components of the cruiserweight division is that they felt … virtually reckless within the ring, in a (largely) great way. You had these guys like Dean Malenko and Rey Mysterio Jr. who’re solely going to mess up if one thing goes drastically mistaken, blended in with of us like Chris Benoit and Eddie Guerrero, who’re among the many finest in-ring generals within the sport’s historical past. Then you definitely had the decrease tier luchadors just like the Villanos or no matter, who’ve the lucha aesthetic however aren’t doing a lot past the most secure dropkicks and armdrags you’ve ever seen. Then someplace within the center are Juvy and Kidman … these bonkers gentle heavyweights with lucha movesets who know they’ve obtained to borderline kill themselves each time they exit to get observed, and boy they’re getting observed. Manner over to the left you could have Psicosis, who’s simply hurting himself to see how a lot he can do it, and Tremendous Calo, who needs to be a standard man however can’t cease hurting himself.

Sure, that’s my Tremendous Calo segue. Whooshhhhh

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Talking of the satan’s favourite hospital affected person, he’s a part of an ALSO fairly nice trios match, teaming up with Lizmark Jr. and Chavo Guerrero Jr. to tackle Villano IV, Villano V, and Villano Silver King. Examine query: what’s occurring in that picture?

This one really ends with some story development, as Psicosis — nonetheless upset that Chavo pinned him at Souled Out — reveals up and guillotine leg drops Chavo, pulling Silver King on prime of him for the pin. Dastardly rudos. Your Tremendous Calo spotlight of the night time is what I’m guessing is his regular clothesline promote now: backflipping onto his personal neck for actually no purpose. We’ve tried to speak to individuals who know him and arrange an interview with Tremendous Calo and everybody’s like, “I don’t know what he’s as much as nowadays, I misplaced contact with him,” and my principle is that he’s lifeless and has simply been Weekend at Bernie’s-ing it since like 1999.

Finest: Muscular tissues Are Extra Necessary Than Brotherhood

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The insanely lengthy Scott Steiner heel flip continues this week as he and Rick tackle Buff Bagwell and Konnan. There was only a “STEINERS VS. NWO B-TEAM” written on the WCW inventive white board in everlasting marker, wasn’t there? Be part of us subsequent week for the Steiners vs. Vincent and Horace Hogan, and once more on the pay-per-view for the Steiners vs. Kyle Petty and the Dinner and a Film guys in a handicap match.

Anyway, if you happen to’ve been following alongside that Scott Steiner obtained a bunch of muscle tissue and didn’t notice how cool that made him look till he noticed fellow muscle-enthusiast Buff Bagwell of the New World Order flexing on a regular basis. So now Scott’s torn between wanting to point out off his muscle tissue on a regular basis and utilizing them to singlehandedly win tag staff matches, and each of these issues piss Rick off.

This week Rick begins, and retains Scotty out till the recent tag, which is definitely the very best gameplan for the 1998 Steiner Brothers. Simply let Rick rope-a-dope the opposite staff for a couple of minutes till they get drained, after which ship on this jacked-the-crap-up math wizard whose pure resting state is “drank six 4 Loko and is pissed about every thing” to suplex jokers to demise and win. This one really ends with Scott deciding to be a staff participant and arrange for the Steiner Bulldog double-team, however doesn’t see Scott Corridor shove Rick off the highest. Rick goes flying into Scott, which after all causes roid rage Scott Steiner to imagine the worst and storm out.

As soon as once more, Scotty speaks a fundamental human reality: push-ups are extra vital than your loved ones.

Finest: Stagger Away

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Earlier than I neglect, one of many highlights of that Steiners/nWo Extras match is the pre-match announcer swap, wherein Dusty Rhodes reveals up and staggers Lee Marshall from the published place. Lee is such an underappreciated on-screen character, as a result of he combines Tony Schiavone’s “comfortable to be right here firm man” angle with a weirdly old-fashioned voice and standpoint, such as you’re listening to a kind of tape recorders from Bioshock discuss wrestling.

My solely criticism right here is that Bobby Heenan didn’t snicker in his face and get a “DIAL 1-800-KISS MY ASS YOU FUCKING WEASEL” on the way in which out. Even on this episode Lee received’t cease making jokes about how Heenan steals lodge towels. “Bobby Heenan vs. Lee Marshall Bunkhouse Brawl” is the very best match from the Highway Wild I booked in my head 20 years in the past.

Finest: Celebration Marty

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An sudden darkish horse contender for match of the night time goes to Raven and Marty Jannetty, doing the very best mixture of a PG ECW hardcore match and a 1992 WWF Mild Heavyweight Division match you’ve ever seen. This might simply be Scotty Flamingo vs. Marty in one other life.

Just like the match with Disco, Raven succeeds in residing and respiratory his character, and that informs every thing the group must know in regards to the match. There’s some violence, as a result of each Raven match is beneath “Raven’s guidelines,” which removes all of the pointless ref bumps and distractions you’d should ebook round in any other case. However there’s additionally a way of urgency from Raven’s opponents, particularly when it’s guys like Jannetty or Disco, as a result of they’re not usually IN matches like this, and it feels contemporary and new to see them getting thrown into chairs or no matter.

They sustain a brisk tempo too, which is good, and the end is nice. Marty goes for a Rocker Dropper, finally ends up having it was that 1-2-Three Child backflip feint and will get spiked on his dome with an Evenflow DDT. Like this:

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That’s easy as hell. I preferred him once I was youthful, however Raven dominated, no pun supposed, and it’s enjoyable to return and watch this period of matches and know what a workhorse he was. He doesn’t must be having aggressive matches with Scotty Riggs and Disco Inferno and Marty Jannetty however he IS, and it’s making everybody look higher.

Worst: WCW’s Finest Referee

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Talking of the Flock and aggressive matches with the Disco Inferno, Disco and Perry Saturn get in some good work to maintain Saturn trying robust and to maintain Disco trying like he’s lastly obtained his head within the recreation and is able to be an actual wrestler. That doesn’t final endlessly, however he’s doing a little very, superb stuff on this time interval. The whole lot between the embarrassing Jacqueline stuff up till the formation of the Boogie Knights is fairly good. And even the Boogie Knights units me up for infinity extra Alex Wright dick jokes.

The focus of the match although is the end, and I’m giving it a Worst for the wrestlers not letting the referee know what the hell they had been making an attempt to do earlier than the match. Mainly Disco’s obtained Saturn lifeless to rights, and the one purpose Saturn wins is due to Kidman. They do an enormous spot and Disco’s out on the bottom on his abdomen, with Saturn staggering round practically unconscious by the ropes. Kidman pushes Saturn down onto Disco (pictured), and the referee decides to begin counting three considering that’s the end.

Critically, take a look at this:

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He counts one and you’ll hear Saturn yelling at him to cease, although he’s presupposed to be knocked out. The thought is that Saturn’s presupposed to fall into place, come to and lock within the Rings of Saturn, however yeah, we get the Cameron memorial pinfall try as a substitute. COUNT IT, REF!

Worst Finest: Observe Swimsuit Mongo

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Not an sudden darkish horse contender for match of the night time goes to Jim Neidhart vs. Scott Corridor, which is constructed round horrible residing sunburn Jim Neidhart single-handedly beating up Corridor and Louie Spicolli along with his Bugle thumb of doom till the inevitable nWo DQ. Davey Boy Smith runs out to even the chances, and Mongo McMichael follows him out in a full observe go well with to proceed their feud. I assumed Mongo’s complete private wardrobe was 4 Horsemen T-shirts, that one Chicago Bears jacket and a bunch of Garth Brooks button-ups to match his canine.

You’ve gotta love that they’ve obtained a full-on nWo vs. the Hart Basis vs. the 4 Horsemen feud going with out Bret Hart, many of the vital nWo guys or any of the Horsemen individuals preferred.

Why Is Diamond Dallas Web page The Tobias Funke Of WCW

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Each single factor he says sounds sexual, whether or not he’s speaking about how “jacked up” he’s to make you “really feel the bang,” or if he’s speaking about how he can’t wait to “get it on” with that “younger stud” Chris Benoit. Even when it means he has to take a chubby. he’ll suck it up!

Finest: The Predominant Occasion

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This week’s major occasion, arrange final week, is Diamond Dallas Web page defending the USA Championship in opposition to Chris Benoit. To get this out of the way in which early, sure, it ends with a large run-in, however at the least it’s the Flock and never the nWo once more.

Whereas it’s not the very best match you’ll ever see (and possibly not even the very best match on the present, though it was getting fairly good), it was the primary time that somebody vital in WCW mentioned “Chris Benoit is a very good wrestler who deserves alternatives to problem for championships and have good matches” on tv and truly adopted by means of with it. Web page sticking his neck out for Benoit right here made him appear to be a preventing champion who really paid consideration to the general public’s opinions, and made Benoit appear to be the sort of man who isn’t fairly there but, however is of course expert sufficient to hold with the corporate’s champions. This roughly established Benoit’s complete vibe from 1998 till WrestleMania 20 in 2004.

So yeah, a bunch of lucha libre matches of various high quality, Raven kicking ass, a Benoit major occasion, the muscle buddies AND Lee Marshall getting emasculated. Not a foul episode.

Subsequent Week:

Glacier is again for an additional shot at Billy Scott Goldberg, Chris Benoit and Raven go head-to-head, and Ric Aptitude returns from the “we don’t actually know what to do with you” ether to problem Lex Luger.

Necessary examine query for the feedback part under: With our present web site setup, do you continue to choose there being two WCW columns every week, or is that an excessive amount of? Ought to I maintain Thunder separate, or simply recap it in the beginning of Nitro studies like I do with uneventful pay-per-views? Let me know what you assume, and thanks for studying.

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